I miss him so much. I miss him so much there is a constant ache inside my heart. A heart that I wish I do not have so I would not have to feel this way. My scribbles in my notebook these few days are all about him. Only him. I throw myself into my work hoping that it would keep me busy enough but my mind always returns back to him.
And now, everything seems to be going downhill from here. I once thought that there would a chance for forever but forever seems to have come and gone. I guess it does not matter that I cried because of you boy today. I guess it does not matter that I lie in bed each night praying that you are safe. I guess the cuts on my wrists don't matter.
I screwed up my SATs pretty badly. And now, all I want is to curl up and die.
If I could hear his voice now, I would gladly slit my own wrists and bleed myself dry in an empty bathroom stall. If this is what it feels like to be in love, I wish I never had been in it.
My friend tells me that the solution is really simple. It is to call him. But I am afraid of what I might hear when I do call him. I'm afraid that I might hear that he has been in an accident, or that he is sick. Or that he doesn't want me anymore. And that would kill me. I know that I am running away, like always but what else can I do?
And I am hurting so badly I don't know when I'll ever heal.
[i want to forget a boy who smokes too much and drinks too much. i want to forget a boy who tells me the sweetest things on earth and makes me promises that he doesn't seem to keep. i want to forget a boy whose very essence courses through my veins. can anyone help me?]
(index)
(archive)
(profile)
(extras)
(contact)
(reviews)
(lj)
(bang-)
(M)
(steal--away)
(%
(image)
(design)
(diaryland)