Another crazy night at Zouk. Reaching the club at midnight while Cinderella rushes home. Sitting at Phuture, we down whiskey and jugs of Long Island Tea. And feeling so awful because of all these fucking problems that won't go away. So I guess we drink to forget everything, to numb ourselves from reality.

And for the second time in two months, I was overwhelmed by the terrifying sensation of blacking out, as the noise faded away and the images in front of me start to blur and my skin turns clammy and cold.

I have no idea why it happens but there's the feeling that something is wrong with me and I have to fix it.

Fix it. Fix it. Fix it.

Its all so fucked up.

Smoking, drinking, academics, boys, friends, school.

I'm so tired of thinking and worrying. The pictures of me in the computer seem like a different person because I can't remember a time when I actually smiled.

breathe // dream

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